Grief can feel especially difficult around Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. These holidays tend to highlight the absence of a parent and bring up many unresolved emotions. As with many difficult things, there is no playbook to tell us how to get through these occasions. Just know that there is not a “correct” way to grieve a parent. However, you can be a little more prepared to take care of yourself on these days. In this blog post, we will explore several ways that you can support yourself or someone you love who is navigating grief after the loss of a parent.

Reminders of Grief from The Loss of a Parent

Mother’s and Father’s Day are especially difficult since reminders are everywhere. People are celebrating their parents on social media, in ads, movies, and television shows. This can bring up deep sadness, anger, guilt, and feelings of being alone or isolated. Some have had challenging relationships with parents, which adds another layer to the challenge the holiday brings. All the feelings you feel are valid.

Supporting Yourself Through Grief

Let’s look at a few ways to support yourself during times of grief, sadness, and loss. 

1. Make a Plan

Make a plan for yourself ahead of time for challenging days. You may choose to laze around, go outside, or spend time with friends or family. This can reduce the anxiety of “what am I supposed to do now?” It’s okay to take time to grieve your lost parent. But having a plan for your day will reduce the amount of time you spend feeling difficult emotions. You may choose to ignore the holiday or acknowledge it quietly. 

2. Create a Ritual

Create a ritual(s) for the days that you anticipate being the hardest. These ritual-filled days are referred to as a “remembrance days”. Here are a few ideas: lighting a candle, looking through photos, reading old letters, visiting meaningful places, eating foods they enjoyed, cooking a meal they enjoyed, etc. This doesn’t have to be elaborate—just intentional and meaningful to you. 

3. Set Boundaries

Set some boundaries for yourself in advance. You are allowed to protect your energy and emotions. You can limit social media if it is triggering, decline gatherings if they are going to be too much for you, or communicate to others that this day is “tough for me”. Keep in mind, you don’t owe anyone an explanation if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it.

4. Stay Connected

Stay connected—but on your terms. Grief lends itself to isolation, but keeping gentle connections are helpful. This can include speaking with someone who understands, time with supportive friends, or sitting with others and not discussing the day or your feelings. Remember that you don’t have to carry grief alone. Just being with others who are caring is very supportive, even if there is no verbal communication. 

5. Anticipate a Spectrum of Emotions

Expect waves of emotions. Grief does not happen in a straight line. You may feel okay one moment and be filled with emotions the next. This is completely normal. Let the feeling pass rather than spending all your energy fighting it. Give the feeling a name: sadness, anger, despair, etc. Keep in mind, grief is also physical. You may feel more tired or irritable. Be kind to yourself, rest, go on walks, and have healthy meals or snacks. Taking care of your body will help your mood more than you may think. 

6. Feel All the Feelings

Give yourself the permission and space to feel all the feelings. You may feel sad or angry. Other times, you may feel nostalgic or depressed. Some individuals dealing with grief may feel a sense of relief if their loved one was suffering or ill. It’s also fine to feel happy or feel “okay”. Grief and relationships are very complex. Nothing can or should invalidate the feelings you have, and there is no exact timeline for navigating grief.

Most of all, give yourself the opportunity to feel how you feel and allow others to be supportive as you see fit. Remember, there is no “wrong way” to feel or heal when grieving the loss of a parent.

Grief Counseling and Therapy Are Available

During this difficult time, please remember that you are not alone. If grief or other emotions are effecting your quality of life or your daily routine, we invite you to schedule an appointment with one of our caring and compassionate therapists. We are here to help you navigate through loss, grief, depression, and a host of other challenges. Our goal is to equip you with the tools you need for emotional and mental well-being.

Make an Appointment Today!  

Written by: Michelle Tanner—MSW, LCSW

Michelle has been a therapist at Tar Heel Human Services, PC for over 7 years. She has 20 years of experience helping children, adolescents, and adults navigate life’s challenges with compassion and clarity. Based in North Carolina, Michele specializes in treating anxiety, bipolar disorder, life transitions, and emotional regulation, offering personalized, integrative mental health care for individuals and families.